Englisch: Text durchgucken (dringend)

    Hallo Leute


    Wir sollten in Englisch 2 Fragen beantworten und dar unsere Englischlehrerin dies morgen einsammel und benoten will würde ich mich sehr freuen wenn jemand meinen Text durchgucken und berichtigen könnte, denn irgendwie komme ich immer mit den Zeitformen durcheinander....
    Also hier der Text:



    Geoffrey imagines that his parents and his sister are waiting on the small station platform and would be pleased to see him after so long. He thinks that they are all talking at once and asking him endless questions about what life had been abroad. He aso expect that is mother newly baked scones and that he is laughing a lot when having tea-time with his family.
    The reality is not like Geoffrey imagine. When he arrived he saw no familar face. After a while he met his father who told him that his mother couldn't come because she had a stroke about a month ago and is very poorly. Besides his sister couldn't come too, because she must looking after Geoffreys mother and so they drove home in silence. At home Geoffrey met his sister. She looked worried and no once asked Geoffrey questions about his experiences abroad.
    So the reunion wasn't like Geoffrey imagine. He thougt he would laugh and have fun with his family but in reality it was a very dreary meeting.


    I think some events one looks forward are disappointing because we just imagine good things. Our expectations are to promising. Sometimes real life isn't very well and so we are disappointing. We should be more realistically and so some events maybe will be good surprises.


    So das wars. Wie gesagt mit den Zeitformen ... Ich glaub Präsens wär am besten aber irgendwie bekomm ich das manchmal einfach nicht auf die Reihe. :angry :rolleyes
    Naja ich hoffe mir kann möglichst schnell jemand helfen, denn ich muss das ja morgen schon abegeben...


    Gruß Betti

    und manchmal...ganz plötzlich...spüre ich,dass ich wach bin...





    Traue nie den funkelnden Augen eines Mannes, denn es könnte auch die Sonne sein, die durch seine hohle Birne scheint :D

    Mal kurz durchgeflogen; keine Garantie auf absolute Korrektheit....

    Zitat

    Geoffrey imagined that his parents and his sister would be waiting on the small station platform and would be happy to see him after such a long time. He thought that they would all start to talk at once and ask him endless questions about what life had been like abroad. He also expected his mother to have baked scones and that he would be laughing a lot when having tea-time with his family.
    The reality was not like Geoffrey imagined. When he arrived, he saw no familar face. After a while he met his father who told him that his mother couldn't come because she'd had a stroke about a month ago and was in a very poor condition. His sister also couldn't come because she had to look after his mother, and so they drove home in silence. At home Geoffrey met his sister. She looked worried, and didn't ask him anything about his experiences abroad.
    So the reunion wasn't like Geoffrey had imagined. He had thought he would laugh and have fun with his family, but in reality it was a very dreary meeting.


    I think some events one looks forward to are disappointing because we only imagine good things. Our expectations are too promising. Sometimes real life is not only positive, and so we are disappointed. We should be more realistic, so some events maybe will be good surprises.


    Richtig in der Zeitform zu bleiben, ist nicht ganz trivial, das muß man wirklich 'n bißchen verinnerlichen; Zeitformen sind nach fast 25 Jahren Englisch auch so ziemlich das einzige, bei dem ich noch hin und wieder kurz über Regeln nachdenke, statt es einfach automatisch zu bilden.

    Hmh, wenn der erste Abschnitt ne Inhaltsangabe sein soll, musst du auf jeden Fall im Präsenz bleiben °°
    (hab das Thema irgendwie nich einordnen können <.>)


    Aber alles in allem is der Text wirklich gut, auch wenn du zu oft das Wort "imagine" benutzt ;D (^^'')

    [LEFT]
    [SIZE=2]Gehirn.exe konnte nicht gefunden werden.[/SIZE]

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    Hay,


    dann schließ ich mich auch an^^
    Ich bräuchte so schnell wie möglich die Korrektur von dem folgendem Text.
    Es ist eine Inhaltsangabe von dem "dicken Buch" ,,Girl against the jungle".
    Fehler sind auf jeden Fall vorhanden.:rolleyes




    [FONT=&quot]It was one day before Christmas. Suzanne and her mother wanted to fly home by plane. While they were flying over the Andes the plane crashed into the jungle. Only Suzanne survived. She noticed that she hurt her left foot. The cut was 5cm deep and 2cm wide. When she looked around she saw the seat of her mother. She couldn’t stand up, because she was too wasted. She fell asleep. The next day she was looking for food. She found her bag with many sweets within. For her it was a Christmas present. But she saved the sweets for afterwards. She wanted to find her mother. Her parents told her the rules of the jungle. They were scientists and have lived in the jungle for many years. Suzanne felt very hungry so she ate the sweets. Then she looked for a big river. Suddenly she heart father’s voice: ,,Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” During she saw a lot of bright red and yellow berries she remembered an important rule: ,,Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she found not a big river, but rather a little stream. She was very sadly. But she remembered the old saying: ,,Large rivers grow from small streams.” Before she followed the stream she has drank the clearly water and has washed her face. After a few minutes she found 3 dead bodies on a seat. They were black with flies and dry blood. It became night. Suzanne slept under some trees on a bank. She was so afraid of the jaguars. Next day she saw King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. On the third day she saw a plane. She shouted but they couldn’t hear her. Later she found very dangerous ants. Besides there were harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there was a hole in her bag and all her sweets have gone. But she could drink the water of the stream. On her way to a big river she found a boat and a hut. She went into the hut and waited for the owner. Finally there came the owner. The hunters picked Suzanne up and carried her to the hut. They washed her and gave her some food. Suzanne had in her right arm lots of maggots. The maggots could eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters took a clean, metal knife and dug a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh. Afterwards they brought Suzanne in a hospital. Her father said that her parrot [/FONT][FONT=&quot]Pépé [/FONT][FONT=&quot]also died. For the first time since the crash she started to cry.[/FONT]



    Das Referat muss ich am mOntag halten.
    Danke schonmal für die Korrektur oder Tipps!



    Lg -gentleman-

    [center] [SIZE=1]Einen ganz großen Kruß an Nightdragon, nichthund. und wawuschel![/SIZE]


    LERNEN GEFÄHRDET DIE DUMMHEIT![/center][SIZE=1]
    [/SIZE]

    Hi,


    das Buch "Girl against the jungle" kenne ich nicht, vondaher kann ich nicht beurteilen, ob das, was du geschrieben hast, inhaltlich akkurat ist.


    Ein paar allgemeine Anmerkungen:
    Du schreibst eine Inhaltsangabe. In welchem Tempus schreibt man "summaries"? Im "present"!
    Deine Satzanfänge könntest du etwas variieren. Rhetorische Fragen und etwas mehr Dramatik peppen eine Buchvorstellung auf, so schlafen dir die Zuhörer auch nicht ein. Eine simple schriftliche Inhaltsangabe kommt dagegen auch ohne Spannung aus, da will man schließlich nur den Inhalt kurz und knapp rüberbringen. Mir ist nicht ganz klar, was bei dir gefordert ist - eine Buchvorstellung oder eine Überprüfung, ob du den Inhalt zusammenfassen kannst.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    It is one day before Christmas. Suzanne and her mother want to fly home by plane.


    Wo sind sie denn? Von wo aus wollen sie nach Hause fliegen?

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    They are flying over the Andes when the plane crashes into the jungle. Only Suzanne survives.


    Wow, du kommst sofort zur Sache. Nach zwei einleitenden Sätzen passiert direct die erste Katastrophe. Das ist prinzipiell nicht schlecht, obwohl es überraschend kommt. Hiernach solltest du beim Sprechen eine Pause machen, um die Worte sacken zu lassen.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    She notices that she has hurt her left foot. The cut was 5cm deep and 2cm wide. When she looks around she sees the seat of her mother. She couldn’t stand up, because she was too wasted. She fell asleep.


    Ja und? Etwas mehr Dramatik schadet hier nicht.
    Her left shoe is blood-soaked. The large cut on her foot makes it hurt so much she cannot even stand up. Where is her mother? She turns her head around, hoping to see her. But when she spots her seat, it’s... (Was ist mit dem Sitz der Mutter? Ist der Sitz leer, ist die Mutter tot? Sind da Blutflecken? So verrät der Satz den Zuhörern nichts.) Exhausted from the plane crash/accident and the pain, she passes out.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    The next day she looks for food. She finds her bag with many sweets within. It is her Christmas present. But she saves the sweets for afterwards.


    Die Süßigkeiten sind ihr Weihnachtsgeschenk. Der nächste Satz ist missverständlich und zudem sehr unwichtig. Es ist doch völlig egal, ob sie erst die Süßigkeiten futtert und dann die Mutter sucht oder umgekehrt.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    She wants to find her mother. Her parents have told her the rules of the jungle. They have been scientists and have lived in the jungle for many years.

    Hier bin ich mir mit der Zeit selber unsicher. “They were scientists” hört sich auch ok an.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Suzanne feels very hungry so she eats the sweets.

    Wayne? Halte dich nicht zu lange an solchen Kleinigkeiten auf. Dann hat sie bestimmt noch gehustet und sich in der Nase gebohrt, das trägt aber nicht viel zur Handlung bei. ;)

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Suddenly she hears father’s voice: “Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” So she starts her journey/way deeper into the jungle sensing a river somewhere. Soon she sees a lot of bright red and yellow berries which make her remembered an important rule: “Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she finds instead of a big river a little stream. She is very sad; however, she remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams.”


    Warum ist sie traurig?
    Ihre ganzen Erinnerungen hast du hier gut eingebaut.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Before she follows the stream she has drunken the clear water and has washed her face.


    Der Satz ist komisch.
    She stops for a slight break, drinks the clear water and washes her face, before following the stream.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    After a few minutes she finds 3 dead bodies on seats. They are black with flies and dry blood.


    Das war’s schon? Ist sie geschockt? Erleichtert, weil ihre Mutter nicht dabei ist? Ein paar Emotionen fehlen hier, immerhin sieht sie ja nicht täglich drei Leichen, oder? (Ach, die Leichen sitzen nicht alle auf einem Sitz, oder? Deswegen heißt es hier "seats" nicht "a seat". Im Deutschen nimmt man das nicht so genau.)

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    It becomes night. Suzanne sleeps under some trees on a bank. She is so afraid of the jaguars. Next day she sees King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. On the third day she sees a plane. She shouts but they cannot hear her. Later she finds very dangerous ants. Besides, there are harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there is a hole in her bag and all her sweets are gone. But she can drink the water of the stream.


    Mal wieder handelst du sehr schnell die einzelnen Themen ab. Zudem erscheint mir dieser Abschnitt etwas konfus. Es reicht zu sagen, dass sie Angst hat, dann kannst du die Tiere erwähnen. Das Flugzeug kommt bei deiner Beschreibung kurz dazwischen und ist auch schon wieder vergessen.
    After three days of total loneliness, she hears a familiar sound. A plane. Will they find her and rescue her? She shouts as loud as she can but they cannot hear her. Then the plane is gone and she is still on her own somewhere in the huge and dangerous jungle.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. Sitting in the hut she waits for the owner. Finally there comes the owner. The hunters pick Suzanne up and carry her to the hut.


    Wenn Suzanne schon in der Hütte ist, wie können die Leute sie dann in die Hütte tragen? Der Übergang von „owner“ zu „hunters“ ist etwas abrupt. Ich hatte zuerst dein Eindruck, sie sei da an irgendwelche Kanibalen greaten. ;)

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    They wash her and give her food. Suzanne has got lots of maggots in her right arm, which might eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters take a clean knife and dig a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh.


    An dieser Stelle werden die Damen aus deiner Klasse laut “ihhh” schreien, sofern sie dich verstehen.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Afterwards they take Suzanne to hospital. Her father says that her parrot Pépé has also died. For the first time since the crash she starts to cry.


    Im Großen und Ganzen ist dir der Text gut gelungen. Wahrscheinlich sind immer noch einige Fehler im Text, mein Englisch ist seit einem Jahr tief im Gedächtnis vergraben.


    Sollst du nur den Inhalt des Buches vorstellen oder willst du deinen Mitschülern das Buch schmackhaft machen? Ich kenne Buchvorstellungen so, dass das Ende offen bleibt, um andere neugierig zu machen. (Naja, vielleicht habe ich hier beim Korrigieren auch etwas über dein Ziel hinaus geschossen.)


    Grüße,
    Kathy

    [COLOR="Navy"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Century Gothic"][CENTER]Niemand weiß, was in ihm drinsteckt,
    solange er nicht versucht hat, es herauszuholen.[/CENTER][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

    2 Mal editiert, zuletzt von K@hi ()

    Hay,


    riieeeesendank für deine Hilfe!!!!!!!!!
    Leider muss ich jetzt fort, aber ich werde den Text noch heute (so um 22:30 + - ) nochmal schreiben. Du kannst dir Zeit lassen. Wär ja schlimm, wenn du verhungern würdest^^
    Aja und du kannst auch "böse" kritisieren, es macht mir nichts aus ;)


    Lg -gentleman-



    EDIT: Da bin ich wieder^^ Hier der neue Text:



    It is one day before Christmas. Suzanne and her mother are in Lima and want to fly home by plane. While they are flying over the Andes the plane crashed into the jungle. Only Suzanne survives.
    The large cut on her foot makes it hurt so much she cannot even stand up. Where is her mother? She turns her head around, hoping to see her. She wants to search her, but she can’t stand up, because she is too wasted. [Ich sah im Buch nach, da stand Folgendes: ,,I saw my mother's seat too, but I couldn't see her. I couldn't see very clearly. Where were my glasses? I put...'] She fall asleep. The next day she is looking for food. She find her bag with many sweets within. For her it was a Christmas present. She wants to find her mother. Her parents have told her the rules of the jungle. They have been scientists and have lived in the jungle for many years. Suzanne feel very hungry so she eat the sweets. Then she look for a big river. Suddenly she hears father’s voice: “Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” So she starts her journey deeper into the jungle sensing a river somewhere. Soon she sees a lot of bright red and yellow berries which make her remembered an important rule: “Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she finds instead of a big river a little stream. She remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams.” [Nunja, sie fand ja nur einen kleinen Fluss. Sie wollte aber einen großen finden. Dann erinnerte sie sich an den Spruch...ich tu das 'sad' mal weg^^] She stops for a slight break, drinks the clear water and washes her face, before following the stream. After a few minutes she finds 3 dead bodies on a seat. They are black with flies and dry blood. She is very shocked, because one of this 3 dead bodies could be her mother. She nears the dead bodies and she detect happy: This are only 3 girls. [Ich glaube, dass ist ein Druckfehler im Buch: ,,...then i saw it. A seat from the plane. There were three dead bodies on the seat. They were black...] It becomes night. Suzanne sleeps under some trees on a bank. She is so afraid of the jaguars, because they hunt at night. Next day she sees King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. After three days of total loneliness, she hears a familiar sound. A plane. Will they find her and rescue her? She shouts as loud as she can but they cannot hear her. Then the plane is gone and she is still on her own somewhere in the huge and dangerous jungle. She shouts but they cannot hear her. Later she finds very dangerous ants. Besides, there are harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there is a hole in her bag and all her sweets are gone. But she can drink the water of the stream. On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. Sitting in the hut she waits for the owner. In the hut there are lots of air guns. She know, here live hunters. Finally there comes [Das -s am Ende des Verbes wird doch nur bei he, she and it angewendet, oder? The owner ist doch Plural? Oder hab ich da wieder mal was verpasst?] the owner. On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. She goes into the hut and waited for the owner. In the hut are lots of air guns - She know, here live hunters. Finally there come the hunter. They wash her and give her some food. Suzanne has in her right arm lots of maggots. The maggots could eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters take a clean, metal knife and dug a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh. Afterwards they bring Suzanne in a hospital. Her father say that her parrot Pépé also died. For the first time since the crash she starts to cry.






    Ehrlich gesagt wollte ich, dass die Mädchen bei der "maggot-stelle" ihhh schreien. Damit wenigstens irgendwas lustig wird xD


    Das Buch muss ich vorstellen. Von Anfang bis Ende^^


    Aja und wenn dein Englisch ein bisschen eingerostet ist, ist das auch gut.
    Immerhin kauft mir die Lehrerin nicht ab, wenn ich tausende Fremdwörter verwende und irgendwelche unbekannte Phrasen^^


    Ich hab noch eine Frage. Was ist "cannot"? Warum wird das zusammengeschrieben? Das hat mich schon seit längeren beschäftigt. Oder zB. "gimme".


    Lg -gentleman-

    [center] [SIZE=1]Einen ganz großen Kruß an Nightdragon, nichthund. und wawuschel![/SIZE]


    LERNEN GEFÄHRDET DIE DUMMHEIT![/center][SIZE=1]
    [/SIZE]

    2 Mal editiert, zuletzt von -gentleman- ()

    Cannot ist einfach nen zusammengerücktes Can not (Nicht können) und gimme ist abgeleitet von Give me. :-)

    [SIZE=1][SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]
    Is there anything you would not do for your...family?    [/SIZE]

    Achso, ja dann ist das doch gar nicht so schwer zu verstehen^^
    Danke für die Erklärung!


    Lg -gentleman-

    [center] [SIZE=1]Einen ganz großen Kruß an Nightdragon, nichthund. und wawuschel![/SIZE]


    LERNEN GEFÄHRDET DIE DUMMHEIT![/center][SIZE=1]
    [/SIZE]

    Zitat von Placebo.

    Cannot ist einfach nen zusammengerücktes Can not (Nicht können) und gimme ist abgeleitet von Give me. :-)


    Aber cannot ist grammatikalisch völlig korrekt, während gimme (oder auch wanna) unterste Umgangssprachenschublade ist. Schriftlich sollte man sowas niemals machen und auch mündlich zeugt es eher von Ghettosprache als von gebildetem Englisch.

    [CENTER]America is the only culture that went from barbarianism to decadence without the step of civilisation in between[/CENTER]


    [CENTER]
    [/CENTER]

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    While they are flying over the Andes the plane crashed into the jungle.


    Der Satz ist immer noch falsch. "crashed" ist Vergangenheit, dein Text muss aber im Präsens (bzw. Perfekt) geschrieben sein. Die Konstruktion mit While hört sich hier, finde ich, extremst falsch an.
    While I go to school, I count the cars passing by.
    Während ich zur Schule gehe, mache ich was, ich gehe aber weiterhin den Schulweg entlang. "When" passt, wie gesagt, in deinem Fall besser.
    They are flying over the Andes when the plane crashes into the jungle.


    Zitat von -gentleman-

    She wants to search her, but she can’t stand up, because she is too wasted.


    "Suchen" zu übersetzen ist nicht ganz einfach. Hier würde ich vom Gefühl her "look for" sagen. "to search sth" bedeutet auch, etwas durchsuchen. Allgemein würde ich eher "search" im Zusammenhang mit Gegenständen verwenden.
    "wasted" bedeutet laut Leo sturzbesoffen sein. Vielleicht fühlt sie sich ja genauso schlecht, doch passt das Wort "exhausted" (erschöpft) besser. "tired" ist wahrscheinlich etwas untertrieben.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    [Ich sah im Buch nach, da stand Folgendes: ,,I saw my mother's seat too, but I couldn't see her. I couldn't see very clearly. Where were my glasses? I put...']


    Dann schreib das auch! Es ist doch wichtig, was mit ihrer Mutter geschehen ist. Die kannst du nicht einfach unter den Tisch fallen lassen.
    I spot my mother's seat, but it's empty.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    She fall asleep. The next day she is looking for food. She finds her bag with many sweets within. Yesterday, it was a nice Christmas present to her, now the sweets will save her from dying of starvation. She wants to find her mother.


    Der letzte Satz kommt etwas spät, er passt viel besser an die Stelle, an der sie den Sitz ihrer Mutter leer vorfindet.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Her parents have told her the rules of the jungle. They have been scientists and have lived in the jungle for many years. Suzanne feels very hungry so she eats the sweets. Then she looks for a big river.


    He She It, das S muss mit! Suzanne ist eine "She"!

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Suddenly she hears father’s voice: “Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” So she starts her journey deeper into the jungle sensing a river somewhere. Soon she sees a lot of bright red and yellow berries which make her remembered an important rule: “Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she finds instead of a big river a little stream. She remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams.” [Nunja, sie fand ja nur einen kleinen Fluss. Sie wollte aber einen großen finden. Dann erinnerte sie sich an den Spruch...ich tu das 'sad' mal weg^^]


    Prinzipiell ist das "sad" nicht schlecht, du solltest nur hinzufügen, warum sie traurig ist.
    Later she reaches a river. Much to her disappointment she discovers that what she expected to be a large river turns out to be a rather small stream. Still she has got hope, because she remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams."

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    She stops for a slight break, drinks the clear water and washes her face, before following the stream.
    After a few minutes she finds 3 dead bodies on a seat. They are black with flies and dry blood. She is very shocked, because one of this 3 dead bodies could be her mother. She nears the dead bodies and she detect happy: This are only 3 girls. [Ich glaube, dass ist ein Druckfehler im Buch: ,,...then i saw it. A seat from the plane. There were three dead bodies on the seat. They were black...]


    Das Wort "near" habe ich noch nie in so einem Zusammenhang gehört. Vielleicht passt "come closer" besser.
    Beim "detect" fehlt mal wieder das S. Davon abgesehen klingt "detect" sehr technisch. Wie wär's mit "discover"?
    Beim "fröhlich feststellen" ist das fröhlich rein grammatikalisch ein Adverb, dementsprechend muss es im Englischen vor das Verb platziert werden und zudem noch ein "ly" angehängt bekommen. Mal davon abgesehen stellt sie vielleicht eher erleichtert (with relief) anstatt fröhlich fest, dass ihre Mutter nicht dabei ist.
    "This" ist der Singular, "these" sollte es hier heißen.
    She comes closer to the dead bodies and relieved she discovers: These are only 3 girls.


    Zitat von -gentleman-

    It becomes night. Suzanne sleeps under some trees on a bank. She is so afraid of the jaguars, because they hunt at night. Next day she sees King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. After three days of total loneliness, she hears a familiar sound. A plane. Will they find her and rescue her? She shouts as loud as she can but they cannot hear her. Then the plane is gone and she is still on her own somewhere in the huge and dangerous jungle. (-) Later she finds very dangerous ants. Besides, there are harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there is a hole in her bag and all her sweets are gone. But she can drink the water of the stream. On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. Sitting in the hut she waits for the owner. In the hut there are lots of air guns. She knows, hunters live here. Finally there comes [Das -s am Ende des Verbes wird doch nur bei he, she and it angewendet, oder? The owner ist doch Plural? Oder hab ich da wieder mal was verpasst?] the owner.


    (-): Der Satz, in dem sie schreit, war doppelt.
    "here live hunters" ist eine eher deutsche Satzstellung. Im Englischen kann man das zwar tolerieren, doch typischer ist eher "hunters live here".
    "owner" ist eine Person. Wenn die Hütte mehreren Leuten gehört, dann wären das wohl eher die "owners".

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    They wash her and give her some food. Suzanne has got lots of maggots in her right arm. The maggots could eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters take a clean, metal knife and dig a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh.


    Vom Gefühl her würde ich "She has got" sagen. "have" ist meist eher ein Hilfsverb. Auch habe ich die Satzstellung etwas geändert.
    "dug" ist die Vergangenheitsform von "to dig". Da wir ja immer noch im Präsens schreiben, heißt es hier auch dig.

    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Afterwards they bring Suzanne in a hospital. Her father says that her parrot Pépé has also died. For the first time since the crash she starts to cry.


    Mit dem Krankenhaus, der Schule und der Polizei ist es im Englischen auch mal wieder so eine Sache. Es heißt "I go to school" anstatt "I go in a school". Wenn man jemand ins Krankenhaus bringt, dann heißt es "take someone to hospital."
    Auch wenn der Vater vielleicht eine zweite Persönlichkeit hat, er ist immer noch Einzahl, deswegen kriegt auch das "say" ein s.
    Der Papagei ist zwar schon gestorben, du darfst trotzdem nicht so einfach die Vergangenheit benutzen. Anders sieht es natürlich aus, wenn du den Todestag dort mit einbaust. "Two days ago, Pépé died." Hierbei ist "ago" das magische Wort. In deinem Zusammenhang hört sich das aber blöd an, also nimmst du die Variante im present perfect: "Pépé has died."


    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Ehrlich gesagt wollte ich, dass die Mädchen bei der "maggot-stelle" ihhh schreien. Damit wenigstens irgendwas lustig wird xD


    Na dann drücke ich dir die Daumen...


    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Aja und wenn dein Englisch ein bisschen eingerostet ist, ist das auch gut.
    Immerhin kauft mir die Lehrerin nicht ab, wenn ich tausende Fremdwörter verwende und irgendwelche unbekannte Phrasen^^


    Das heitert mich nun nicht sonderlich auf. Meine ganzen Jahre Englischunterricht sollten nicht ganz umsonst gewesen sein...


    Zitat von -gentleman-

    Ich hab noch eine Frage. Was ist "cannot"? Warum wird das zusammengeschrieben? Das hat mich schon seit längeren beschäftigt. Oder zB. "gimme".


    Klick. Wieso es nun "cannot" und nicht "can not" heißt, kann dir wahrscheinlich eher Schwarze Robe sagen.
    Apropos "cannot" bzw. "can't", du benutzt in deinem Text vielfach die Umgangsprache. Sofern du den Text abgeben musst, solltest du Formen wie "isn't", "it's", etc. ausschreiben. Aus "isn't" wird dann "is not", aus "it's" wird dann je nach Kontext "it is" oder "it has". Sei aber nicht zu übereifrig und versuche auch "her mother's seat" umzuschreiben. Da muss der Apostroph bleiben! Zahlen bis einschließlich 12 werden ausgeschrieben.


    Kind regards,
    Kathy

    [COLOR="Navy"][SIZE="1"][FONT="Century Gothic"][CENTER]Niemand weiß, was in ihm drinsteckt,
    solange er nicht versucht hat, es herauszuholen.[/CENTER][/FONT][/SIZE][/COLOR]

    Einmal editiert, zuletzt von K@hi ()



    Gute Frage eigentlich. Ich weiß, dass man eher cannot gebraucht. Warum dem so ist, weiß ich aber auch gerade nicht. Da müsste ich mich mal schlau machen. Ebenso sagt man ja beispielsweise eher 'won't' als 'will not'. Ich glaube das hängt mit dem zusammen, was im Allgemeinen als 'idiomatic speech' bezeichnet wird, also mit dem tatsächlichen Sprachgebrauch. Englische Muttersprachler nutzen den begriff einfach so und auch wenn wir die Regeln dazu lernen müssen, ändert das nichts an der Tatsache, dass der lebendige Sprachgebrauch eben anders ist. So wie die offizielle Sprechung für das deutsche Wort "König" 'könich' ist.

    [CENTER]America is the only culture that went from barbarianism to decadence without the step of civilisation in between[/CENTER]


    [CENTER]
    [/CENTER]

    Hay,


    dass ich so viel falsch habe, wollt' ich gar nicht wissen. Ne, RIESENDANK, dass du (auch schwarze Robbe und co.) für mich so viel Zeit geopfert hast. Kann dir gar nicht genung danken! Dass ich noch so viel beim neuen Text falschen hatte, wundert mich nicht. Ich hatte es eilig, also hab ich nicht alles ganz genau durchschauen können. Aber diesmal habe ich alles ausgebessert usw.
    Den ,,He, She, It"-Spruch kenn ich auch^^ (Wie gesagt, ich hatte es eilig)
    Nun, ich habe ein paar Wörter ausgelassen bzw. vereinfacht. Die Lehrerin würde es nie glauben, dass ich so einen Wortschatz habe. Auch in Deutschen bin nicht so ein As...(Hoffentlich ist das jetzt richtig geschrieben xD)


    It is one day before Christmas. Suzanne and her mother are in Lima and want to fly home by plane. They are flying over the Andes when the plane crashes into the jungle. Only Suzanne survives.
    The large cut on her left foot hurt her really much. Where is her mother? She wants to search her, but she can’t stand up, because she is too exhausted. She turns her head around, hoping to see her. She sees her mother’s seat, but it's empty. She falls asleep.

    The next day she is looking for food. She finds her bag with many sweets within.The sweets will save her from dying of starvation. Now she wants to find her mother. Her parents have told her the rules of the jungle. They have been scientists and have lived in the jungle for many years. Suzanne feels very hungry so she eats the sweets. Then she looks for a big river. Suddenly she hears father’s voice: “Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” So she starts her journey deeper into the jungle sensing a river somewhere. Soon she sees a lot of bright red and yellow berries which make her remembered an important rule: “Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she finds instead of a big river a little stream. She is very sad about that, because she expected a big river. But she remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams.”She stops for a slight break, drinks the clear water and washes her face, before following the stream. After a few minutes she finds 3 dead bodies on a seat. They are black with flies and dry blood. She is very shocked, because one of these 3 dead bodies could be her mother. She comes closer to the dead bodies and relieved she discovers: These are only 3 girls.It becomes night. Suzanne sleeps under some trees on a bank. She is so afraid of the jaguars, because they hunt at night.
    Next day she sees King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. After three days of total loneliness, she hears a familiar sound. A plane. Will they find her and rescue her? She shouts as loud as she can but they cannot hear her. Then the plane is gone and she is still on her own somewhere in the huge and dangerous jungle. Later she finds very dangerous ants. Besides, there are harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there is a hole in her bag and all her sweets are gone. But she can drink the water of the stream. On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. Sitting in the hut she waits for the owner. In the hut there are lots of air guns. She knows: hunters live here. Finally there comethe owners. They wash her and give her some food. Suzanne     has got lots of maggots in her right arm. The maggots could eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters take a clean, metal knife and dig a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh.Afterwards they bring Suzanne in a hospital. Her father says that her parrot Pépé has also died. For the first time since the crash she starts to cry.




    DANKE nochmal!
    :knuddel:knuddel:knuddel


    Lg -gentleman-

    [center] [SIZE=1]Einen ganz großen Kruß an Nightdragon, nichthund. und wawuschel![/SIZE]


    LERNEN GEFÄHRDET DIE DUMMHEIT![/center][SIZE=1]
    [/SIZE]

    Einmal editiert, zuletzt von -gentleman- ()

    Zitat von -gentleman-



    It is one day before Christmas. Suzanne and her mother are in Lima and want to fly home by plane. They are flying over the Andes when the plane crashes into the jungle. Only Suzanne survives.
    The large cut on her left foot hurts her really much. Where is her mother? She wants to search (go looking for her) her, but she can’t stand up, because she is too exhausted. She turns her head around, hoping to see her. She sees her mother’s seat, but it's empty. She falls asleep.
    The next day she is looking for food. She finds her bag with many sweets within(ich würde eher sagen "inside" aber within geht vielleicht auch).The sweets will save her from dying of starvation. Now she wants to find her mother. Her parents have told her the rules of the jungle. They have been(were/are/used to be, je nachdem) scientists and have lived (used to live)in the jungle for many years. Suzanne feels very hungry so she eats the sweets. Then she looks for a big river. Suddenly she hears (her?) father’s voice: “Rivers are the roads of the jungle!” So she starts her journey deeper into the jungle sensing (sensing heißt so viel wie "wahrnehmen", ich weiß nicht, ob das zutrifft, aber vielleicht einfach "searching for", also suchen) a river somewhere. Soon she sees a lot of bright red and yellow berries which make her remembered (ohne -ed) an important rule: “Beautiful berries are often poisonous. Don’t eat them!” Later she finds a little tream instead of a big river. She is very sad about that, because she expected a big river. But she remembers the old saying: “Large rivers grow from small streams.” She stops for a slight (würde eher sagen "short") break, drinks the clear water and washes her face, before following the stream. After a few minutes she finds 3 dead bodies on a seat. They are black with flies and dried blood. She is very shocked, because one of these 3 dead bodies could be (vielleicht eher "have been", ie it ja tot) her mother. She comes closer to the dead bodies and relieved she discovers: These are only 3 girls.It becomes night.(klingt in meinen ohren irgendwie seltsam... vielleicht einfach "it dawns" oder "night falls") Suzanne sleeps under some trees on a bank. She is so afraid of the jaguars, because they hunt at night. Next day she sees King vultures. They are the biggest vultures in the world. After three days of total loneliness, she hears a familiar sound. A plane. Will they find her and rescue her? She shouts as loud as she can but they cannot hear her. Then the plane is gone and she is still on her own somewhere in the huge and dangerous jungle. Later she finds very dangerous ants. Besides, there are harmful alligators and pesky flies. Unfortunately there is a hole in her bag and all her sweets are gone. But she can drink the water of the stream. On her way to a big river she finds a boat and a hut. Sitting in the hut she waits for the owner. In the hut there are lots of air guns. She knows: hunters live here. Finally there come the owners. They wash her and give her some food. Suzanne has got lots of maggots in her right arm. The maggots could eat her flesh and kill her. So the hunters take a clean metal knife and dig a lot of fat maggots out of her flesh.Afterwards they bring Suzanne to a hospital. Her father says that her parrot Pépé has also died. For the first time since the crash she starts to cry.



    Noch ein paar Kleinigkeiten... ;)